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After ten years of talking about children, two years of trying (and failing) to conceive, and one shot of donor sperm for her partner, Amie Miller was about to become a mother. Or something like that.
Over the next nine months, as her partner became the biological mom-to-be, Miller became . . . what? Mommy's little helper? A faux dad?
As a midwestern, station wagon-driving, stay-at-home mom—and as a nonbiological lesbian mother—Miller both defines and defies the norm. Like new parents everywhere, she wrestled with the anxieties and challenges of first-time parenthood-including neurotic convictions that her child was chronically ill and the muddled confusion of sleeplessness. But unlike most mothers, she experienced pregnancy and birth only vicariously. Unlike biological parents, she had to stand before a judge to adopt her own daughter. And unlike most straight parents, she wondered how to respond when strangers gushed, "I bet Daddy's proud," or "She has your eyes."
Miller began searching for a role that would fit her experience, somewhere in the unexplored zone between mother and father, gay and straight. Sometimes she felt like a dad in drag, other times like a lesbian June Cleaver. Through it all, she and her partner became something new—even as the presence of a baby rattled the bones of their eighteen-year relationship.
Part love story, part comedy, part quest, Miller's candid and often humorous memoir is a much-needed cultural roadmap to what it means to become a parent, even when the usual categories do not fit.
- Sales Rank: #10607946 in Books
- Published on: 2010-05-01
- Released on: 2010-05-01
- Format: Bargain Price
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.77" h x .89" w x 5.83" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 256 pages
From Booklist
Choosing parenthood is a complex, daunting journey, with no guarantees except plenty of challenges and surprises. Nonbiological lesbian mom Miller delights in her longtime partner’s pregnancy yet discovers years of expectation and preparation still leave her unready. She is shocked and awed by the delivery, where all is “white and red. The white lights and walls of the surgical room; the red of Jane’s blood” from an unexpected C-section. Once the moms are home with baby Hannah, the nontraditional parents share all-too-common ground with most first-time parents, “thrust in a parallel universe where planning and time are irrelevant . . . our goals have been reduced to the lowest common denominator: run a load of laundry, get Hannah to eat more, try to sleep.” Miller’s distinctly less common fear, that Hannah won’t distinguish between “Mama” and “Mommy,” is triggered when at eight months, the child just babbles instead of venturing a “Ma-ma.” But surprise! Hannah smiles at her and says, “Da-da.” Readers should smile, too, at this sweetly humorous and insightful account of uncommon motherhood. --Whitney Scott
Review
One of the greatest celebrations of true family values you will ever read. Funny, warm, and wide-open honest.—Ariel Gore, founding editor of Hip Mama
"Miller's vivid storytelling as the 'unpregnant' partner simultaneously captures the unique challenges of lesbian motherhood in the twenty-first century and emphasizes the undeniable universality of first-time parenthood.—Abigail Garner, author of Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is
"Why would a straight dad like me love this memoir so much? Mainly because it's superbly written and passionately insightful. But also because I discovered that lesbian moms like Amie have something to teach me, and all of us, about how to survive, and perhaps even thrive, as twenty-first-century parents."—Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift
"Mothers as well as fathers will recognize themselves in Miller's brave, poignant, and funny memoir about parenthood. She Looks Just Like You is both unique and universal, and Miller's honest and hopeful voice shines a bright light on the adventures of creating a family in the twenty-first century."—Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She's Not There and I'm Looking Through You
"[A] humorous and strikingly original contribution to parenting literature."—Library Journal
"Take one big heart, a heap of talent, and a whole lot of courage and you get Amie Miller's She Looks Just Like You. Miller is a graceful, witty, compassionate guide on the journey that is lesbian parenting. By offering a glimpse of her passage from perfectly happy spouse to perfectly spellbound parent, she reminds us that, gender schmender, it is love that makes a family."—Harlyn Aizley, editor of Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All
About the Author
Amie Klempnauer Miller is a frequent speaker about gay and lesbian families, and her writing has appeared on Salon, in Brain, Child and Greater Good magazines, and elsewhere. Miller works as a development consultant to the public media industry and lives with her partner and daughter in St. Paul, Minnesota.
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
I loved this book!
By heather
I appreciate this book so much! It has validated so many of my own feelings as the"non-bio" or "non-genetic" mom and worth the read. I didn't find it depressing at all...but rather, empowering that I am not alone in some of my emotions, fears, hopes and experiences. I would read another book by this author, anytime.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Loved it
By Theresa M. Ewadinger
I loved this book because I could relate to so much of it. maybe, as other as said, it shouldnt be a book you read to "get inspiration" to plan bringing a child into the world, but as a lesbian that tried first, losing the pregnancy and then my partner trying and bringing s beautiful son into our lives, I could relate and felt that she was telling MY story! I found her humerus and engaging..and candid...and no, I dont think Id ever consider the Furber method either, but I dont judge her or her partner for trying it! i loved this book and immediately looked for anything else she may have written...i hope she does...
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
I loved this!
By T. N. White
This book was a wonderful read! I love autobiographies and had high hopes for this and I was not disappointed! It was well written and well thought out. As a lesbian in a relationship involving a child that is not mine but who I love as my own I have felt a lot of the same things that the author describes. She words things in such a way that, even if you are not in the situation, you truly understand what she means, how she felt. I read this prior to my current relationship and reread it once in the relationship. I appreciated it both times.
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